Bullying, questions and answers

 

 

 

Bullying http://my.webmd.com/hw/health_guide_atoz/uf6001.asp?navbar=uf4871

Bullying occurs when a child or children repeatedly harass, intimidate, hit, or shun another child who is weaker physically or has less social standing. Bullying often involves verbal or physical aggression and may include hitting, shoving, or taking money or belongings.

Repetition is necessary for bullying. An isolated fight between two children of similar size and social power is not bullying; neither is occasional teasing.

Bullying can be stopped through the coordinated efforts of parents, teachers, school counselors, and sometimes psychologists or psychiatrists. Many schools have zero-tolerance policies regarding bullying and teach children that such aggression will not be tolerated.

Characteristics of Children Who Bully  http://my.webmd.com/hw/raising_a_family/uf4874.asp

Children who bully:^{1, 3}

• Are aggressive with others (including parents and teachers).
• Frequently hit or push other children.
• Are physically strong and socially dominant.
• Have a positive view of aggression.
• Have trouble following rules.
• Show little empathy for others.

Children do not bully because they are insecure and lack self-esteem. On the contrary, they think highly of themselves. They like being looked up to and tend to make friends easily. They often expect everyone to behave according to their wishes.

Some children both bully others and are bullied. These children, sometimes called "provocative victims," can be anxious and aggressive. They may have been bullied and then lash out at others. They may tease bullies, bringing on more aggression against themselves.

Bullying should be a "red flag" for parents, alerting them that their child has not learned to control aggression. The child and the family will need professional help.

Bullying children are at risk of committing criminal acts later in life.

How Children Can Discourage Bullying http://my.webmd.com/hw/raising_a_family/uf4901.asp

Children can take steps to deter bullying. They can:

• Stay away from children who appear to not like them.
• Hang out with friendly kids at school.
• Role play with their parents or other adults on how to handle bullying kids.
• Play or take breaks near adults while at school.
• Walk to school with older brothers and sisters or friends.
• Sit near the bus driver.
• Try to send nonverbal signals that they are confident and can take care of themselves, including standing straight, looking other children in the eye, and speaking firmly.

What Children Should Do if They Are Bullied http://my.webmd.com/hw/raising_a_family/uf4876.asp

It's normal for children to be frightened or angry when other children harass them. But they can discourage attacks by showing confidence and not overreacting to bullying.

Children should not fight with a bullying child or make verbal insults. This could lead to more aggression and possibly serious injury.

"Walk, talk, squawk"

Experts recommend a catchy expression to help children remember how to handle bullying: "Walk, talk, squawk."³

• Children should walk away from the bullying child or children.
• They should talk to the child by looking him or her in the eye and saying strongly but calmly, "Leave me alone," or "You don't scare me." Children who are being bullied should not run (even though they may want to) because this undermines their show of confidence and reinforces a feeling of power on the part of the bullying child.
• After the encounter, children should squawk to adults about the episode. It might help for children to identify an adult at school to tell if incidents occur. The adult should be told that the child will come to him or her if harassed. Children not involved in bullying who see another child being harmed also should seek help from an adult immediately.

Children may worry about making other kids angry by telling on them, but exposing the abuse is the only way to stop the problem.

What parents can do to help their bullying child http://my.webmd.com/hw/health_guide_atoz/uf4902.asp?navbar=uf4871

No parent wants to think that his or her child harasses and hurts other children. It's painful and disheartening. However, parents can use the following suggestions to help turn around their child's behavior.

• Take your child's actions seriously and let your child know that bullying will not be tolerated. If bullying incidents occur, negative consequences will follow, such as losing privileges and not being allowed to see friends after school.
• Involve your child's teacher, school administrators, and school counselor to help stop the bullying.
• Talk to your child about the importance of understanding the feelings of others (empathy). Ask your child how he or she would feel as the target of bullying.
• Supervise your child's activities. If your child is not already involved in sports or community activities, encourage your child to hang out with children you know to be good role models.
• Be a good role model yourself by not reacting to disappointments with verbal or physical aggression.
• Praise your child for kind words or deeds.
• If the behavior does not improve, seek help for your child from a psychiatrist, psychologist, or a licensed counselor.

Children who show aggression need supervision and rules, but parents should not punish them physically, such as with corporal punishment.⁵ Physical punishment only reinforces the belief that people can get what they want through aggression. http://my.webmd.com/hw/raising_a_family/uf4877.asp

Peer mediation often does not work because bullying involves children who have different levels of physical power and social status. Adults almost always need to intervene.

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry recommends that parents of children who bully seek help from their child's teacher, principal, school counselor, and pediatrician or family doctor. These professionals can help evaluate your child's behavior and make a referral to a child and adolescent psychiatrist, a psychologist, or a licensed counselor who can work with your child.

The Role of Schools in Bullying http://my.webmd.com/hw/raising_a_family/uf4883.asp

Schools play a critical role in stopping bullying because most aggression happens on school grounds during recess, in lunch rooms, or in bathrooms. Schools should develop zero-tolerance programs that make it clear bullying won't be tolerated.

Bullying has been well studied in Norway, where school-based programs have reduced the incidence of bullying by 30% to 50%. Schools that are successful:¹

• Increase awareness of bullying through school assemblies and classroom discussion of the problem.
• Increase parents' and teachers' involvement.
• Increase supervision of children on school grounds when they are out of the classroom.
• Form clear rules about behavior that will not be tolerated.
• Provide support and protection for children who are bullied.

Resources

http://www.bullyingawarenessnetwork.ca/

http://www.cfchildren.org/bully.html

http://www.nobullies.org/

 

Violent Behavior

Topic Overview http://my.webmd.com/hw/mental_health/hw271283.asp

Anger and arguments are normal parts of healthy relationships. However, anger that leads to threats or violence, such as hitting or hurting, is not normal or healthy. Physical, verbal, or sexual abuse is not an acceptable part of any relationship. Verbal threats erode the spirit and are very damaging in the long term.

Violent behavior often begins with verbal threats or relatively minor incidents, but over time it can escalate to involve physical harm.

Domestic violence (intimate partner violence) is a common form of violent behavior. It is a major problem in the United States. Each year an estimated 1.5 million women are physically or sexually abused by an intimate partner. Approximately 25% of women in the United States will experience partner violence at some time during their lives.

Violence is learned behavior, so it is especially important to help your children learn that violence is not a healthy way to resolve conflict. Living in a violent environment increases your child's chances of developing behavior problems, depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, poor school achievement, and lowered expectations for the future.

Watching television and playing video games also increase your child's risk of exposure to violence. By the age of 18, it is estimated that the average child in the United States has witnessed more than 200,000 acts of violence on television alone. The media in the U.S. frequently portrays the use of violence as a justified means of resolving conflict. Children are easily influenced by media exposure. They learn by observing, imitating, and incorporating behavior. Video games are an especially good environment for children to learn and incorporate violence. After exposure to media violence, children exhibit more aggressive behavior. This aggressive behavior persists for many years.

Violence is a greater health risk to children, teenagers, and young adults than infectious disease, cancer, or congenital disorders. Homicide, suicide, and violent injury are the leading causes of death in children. Violence related to guns is the leading cause of death of children and teenagers in the U.S. Approximately 3,500 teenagers are murdered every year and another 150,000 are arrested for violent crimes.

Review the Emergencies and Check Your Symptoms sections to determine if and when you need to see a health professional.

Violent Behavior Prevention http://my.webmd.com/hw/mental_health/hw271308.asp

To prevent violence:

• Seek nonviolent ways to resolve conflicts. Arguing is fine, even healthy, as long as it does not turn violent. For more information on anger control, see the topic Anger and Hostility.
• Teach your children that violence is not a solution.
• Give your children consistent love and attention.
• Settle arguments without yelling or hitting.
• Do not use physical discipline, such as spanking or other forms of corporal punishment. If you need help with discipline, consider taking a course in parenting skills.
• Limit your child's exposure to TV, movies, and video games to no more than 1 to 2 hours per day. By age 18 the average American child has witnessed more than 200,000 acts of violence on TV alone.
• Watch television with your children to discuss or limit violent content.
• Use a "V-chip" to filter broadcast programming.
• Participate in healthy alternatives, such as sports, interactive play, and reading, with your child.
• Do not glamorize weapon carrying or use firearms in play.
• Prevent violence with firearms and other weapons:
• Do not provide your children or teenagers with unsupervised access to guns or other dangerous weapons.
• Do not keep loaded firearms in the home.
• If you must keep firearms in your home, unload them and lock them up. Lock ammunition in a separate place.
• Do not keep firearms in a home where there is someone who has a drug or alcohol problem, is prone to violent behavior, or has threatened suicide.
• Make sure that no one in your home will have access to firearms or other weapons unless they know how to use them safely.
• Be alert to warning signs, such as threats or drunkenness, so that you can avoid a dangerous situation. If you cannot predict when violence may occur, have an exit plan for use in an emergency.
• Learn how to recognize signs of violent behavior in your teenager.

Assessing the risk for teen violence http://my.webmd.com/hw/health_guide_atoz/tv6556.asp?navbar=hw271283

Violence is a greater health risk to children, teenagers, and young adults than infectious disease, cancer, or congenital disorders. Homicide, suicide, and violent injury are the leading causes of death in children. Violence related to firearms is the leading cause of death of children and teenagers in the United States. Approximately 3,500 teenagers are murdered every year and another 150,000 are arrested for violent crimes.^{1, 2}

There is no single explanation for the overall rise in youth violence. Many different factors cause violent behavior. The more these factors are present in a child's life, the more likely he or she is to commit an act of violence.

Warning signs

People usually give hints that they are considering violence toward other people. Signs that may indicate that a teen is thinking of harming others include:

• Talking about violence, especially violence directed toward specific people or groups of people, such as student groups, or places, such as schools, churches, or government buildings.
• Talking, writing, or drawing about death and violence.
• Having unexplained mood changes.
• Intense anger or losing his or her temper every day.
• Frequent fighting.
• Acting aggressively toward others. This may include:
• Hurting animals.
• Teasing or taunting others by calling them names, making fun of them, or threatening them.
• Making threatening phone calls.
• Vandalism or damaging another person's property.
• Using alcohol, drugs, or tobacco.
• Risk-taking behavior, such as speeding or drinking and driving.
• Carrying or talking about a weapon, especially a firearm. Having access to a gun increases the likelihood of teen homicide 3 times and teen suicide 5 times.
• Buying or talking about other means, such as poisons, that could kill or harm others.
• Not taking responsibility for his or her actions or saying that the actions are justified because of how he or she has been treated.

The possibility of teen violence also increases when the following signs are present over several weeks or months:

• Aggressive or violent behavior
• Drug or alcohol use
• Gang membership or having a strong desire to become part of a gang
• Having access to or a fascination with firearms or other violent weapons
• Threatening other people regularly
• Withdrawal from friends, family, and usually pleasurable activities
• Fear of other people (paranoia)
• Feeling rejected, alone, or disrespected
• Being a constant victim of bullying
• Poor school performance or attendance
• Frequent problems with figures of authority

What you can do

When you recognize violence warning signs in someone else, there are steps you can take. Don't count on someone else to deal with the situation. Taking action and telling someone who can help can prevent harm to yourself and others. It also will protect another teen with potentially violent behavior from making a mistake that will affect the rest of his or her life.

• Don't spend time with people who show warning signs. Tell someone you trust and respect, such as a family member, counselor, or teacher, about your concerns and ask for help.
• If you are worried about being a victim of violence, ask someone in authority to help you.
• Do not resort to violence or use a weapon to protect yourself.
• Don't try to deal with situation by yourself. Ask for help.
• Develop a safety plan to help you if you are in a potentially dangerous situation.

Managing your own anger

You can manage your own anger without becoming violent.

• Talk. Find a trusted friend or adult to help you one-on-one if you're afraid to talk or if you can't find the right words to describe what you're going through.
• Be calm. Express criticism, disappointment, anger, or displeasure without losing your temper or fighting. Ask yourself whether your response is safe and reasonable.
• Listen. Try to listen and respond without getting upset when someone tells you something you may not want to hear. Don't overreact; try to see the other person's point of view.
• Seek solutions. Work out your problems with someone else by looking at different solutions and compromises.

What you can do as a parent

You can help protect your teen from violent situations in the following ways:

• Be involved in your teen's life.
• Know what your child enjoys and how he or she spends free time.
• Know who your teen spends his or her time with.
• Explore ways your teen can avoid unsafe situations and can avoid hanging out with troubled teens.
• Peers have a strong impact on a teen's behavior. Talk to your teen about the effect a group can have on his or her life.
• Be aware of what your teen watches on TV, reads, listens to, or does while using the computer. Teens may model what they see and hear.
• Discourage physical violence. Help your teen find ways to resolve conflict without resorting to violence.
• Role-play conflict. Let your teen determine which style fits him or her best. Role-play ways to help your teen walk away from fights.
• Be a positive role model. Use nonviolent ways to resolve conflict in your home. Children who witness violence in their home or community are more likely to chose violent means to resolve conflict.
• Remove firearms and other violent weapons from your home.
• Studies have shown that violent acts are more likely to lead to death in homes that have a gun even if the gun is kept unloaded and securely locked up.
• The most common victim when a teen fires a gun in the home is the teen. The second most common victim is a teenage friend.
• Encourage participation in physical activities. Encourage your child to become involved in organized sports or recreational activities.
• Participation in sports gives teens a sense of skill mastery and contributes to a positive self-image.
• Being part of a team is a healthy way to release energy.
• Organized sports and other recreational activities provide teens with good role models.
• Discourage alcohol and drug use. Alcohol and drug use are involved in over half of all violent situations among teens. Talk with your child about what to do if he or she is in a situation where alcohol or drugs are being used.
• Be a positive role model.
• Utilize safety measures, such as wearing your seat belt, whenever possible.
• React to difficult situations in a calm, relaxed manner. Avoid yelling or name-calling.
• Monitor your own alcohol or drug use.
• Do not give your child the impression that you have to have a drink in order to enjoy yourself.
• Never drink and drive.
• Get help. If you notice that your teen views the world as a harsh place where people are either bullies or victims, he or she may be more prone to violence. Talk with your teen about your concerns. Talk with a health professional or counselor if you think your teen may need help responding to conflict.

Factors that may contribute to teen violence http://my.webmd.com/hw/health_guide_atoz/tv6557.asp?navbar=hw271283

Teen violence is a complicated problem. No one factor has been shown to cause violence in teens. Known risks for violent behavior include:

• Alcohol or drug abuse.
• An association with older delinquent teenagers or adults.
• A history of early aggressive or violent behavior.
• Exposure to violence in the home or community.
• Exposure to media violence, such as television, videos, and computer or video games.
• Involvement in illegal drug trading.
• Possession of weapons, especially firearms.
• Poverty.

Other factors that are thought to contribute to teen violence include:

• Access to guns and other violent weapons.
• Being a victim of school bullying.
• Child maltreatment, including physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.
• Divorce.
• Frequent moves and changing schools often.
• Hyperactivity or poor impulse control.
• Ineffective parenting.
• Low birth weight.
• Neglect.